Discovery

The new year has started with quite the "bang" for me!  I attended a women's retreat, where the focus was on Heart Space.  One the amazing parts was choosing my WORD for the year 2013.  I love the idea of a word, kind of a compass for the year, a guide to bump up against as I make decisions.  Much better than a resolution.  Can you guess my word by reading this?

• I never have been on a women's retreat -- I loved it, want to go again next year
• It's weird and odd to be living by myself, but I'm OK with it
• I'm rearranging the house, again, the way I want it. I'm replacing furniture, carpet, changing up rooms, being selective about what I put on the walls
• I've discovered the most amazing metal artist who custom designed a guitar and ukelele holder so I can display Jim's guitars on the walls, which makes me smile when I see them.  I remember his love for music & playing (Iron Chinchilla check out his website or Facebook)
• I'm so in love with Patrick's work, I bought 3 nesting tables in the brightest turquoise & blue and now I'm redecorating my sitting room (my heart space) around these colors! Goodbye gold and burgundy, gold couch, big coffee table & end table!
• Work has sent me to Arkansas, San Antonio and next week, Atlanta--new places, new faces
• New forever friends: a trip to meet people I only knew from an online widda support group! A weekend in VEGAS!!

• I played the slots, won enough money to pay for my trip
• I laughed, I cried and re-discovered the absolute total JOY of having fun!

• I participated in a bible study on grief (Beyond the Broken Heart) and am so blessed to have these new friends in my life, we shared our deepest grief, our questions, our faith and on that last night, we shared the memories of our loved one through stories & pictures --- there was JOY in that room!
• Praise Moves -- christian based yoga....love it!
• I have  new confidence in myself:  I will tell my story in my words, my way.  I had been using words I don't like that are kinder/gentler to others and then apologizing for others reactions to my being widowed--as I tell my story.  I would feel bad for upsetting them.  I realize that I'm not responsible for their reaction. So goodbye "passed & lost" hello "he died, he's deceased"
• I've reached out to new widows, family members, whose spouses have died (both unexpectedly) and those are the hardest calls...ever! I know the journey ahead for them (I've gotten a head start on them), I know that not only did they lose the one they loved most, but they have also lost who they were before that death, because that person ceases to exist and a new person has to be discovered...so the rebuilding begins amongst the muck & ick of grief
• The Vegas trip, along w/my Turks & Caicos trip has shown me that yes, I can travel by myself and it's OK. This will be put to the test in April, I'm off the Italy for 9 days (traveling there alone, but it's a group tour once I'm there--Hello Tuscany). I'm excited about the new people I will meet, the places...the photographer inside me is SCREAMING let's go NOW!
• Got my CHL certification & am waiting on my license to arrive; I'm also a gun owner I have a Glock 17 Gen 4; I took a private handgun lesson, and practice session.  I'll continue to practice so I'm comfortable handling the gun.  But I LIKE shooting the gun, I'm kind of good at it and it's just FUN! (The old me, before Jim's death, was very anti-gun...NOT IN MY HOUSE)
• I'm training to be a Stephen Minister -- which is a trained lay person who can give Christian/Christ centered care to someone hurting due to divorce, death, lay off, etc. It's listening & helping people through their hard times keeping them focused on faith

My word for this year is DISCOVERY  

And once I figure out how to get out, I'm going to discover more!