Is It Time....Move Forward

Is it time?

• to replace the carpet (did that)
• to get the oil changed
• to pay the bills
• to replace the filters in the HVAC (bought them)
• to  have new adventures (in progress)
• for Ranger baseball (it's time!)
• to re-grout the kitchen counter (evidently, it is...a professional told me so)
• to make that sun room/sitting room into my own personal, private space
• to buy groceries (I don't really cook, so no)
• to "move on with my life"....

That last one, is the kicker for me.  I read another Widow's comment about how she's being told "it's time to move on" and she isn't ready... That kind of pressure and expectation is
unrealistic for even the strongest willed person much less a person that is broken, grieving & temporarily lost.

Here's the deal.  In my head, I decided that good would come out of Jim's death. Whether it's me being open with discussing my journey of grief, discussing Jim's death, all the details NO ONE and I mean NO ONE ever wants to talk about or me providing support to others experiencing grief.
I'm determined to focus on being that person that is never afraid to talk about death and the details and share what my faith has done for me.

So today, my heart is telling me to offer up some of my thoughts about "moving on" and the timeline everyone seems to have in their head for grieving.

• I'm not going to "move on"...accept it
• The person I was before Jim died, well, she died too, the moment Jim did. (Only in the aftermath did I realize this)
• There is no timeline to grief...a loss of a loved one is a sadness that will be a part of that person forever, until the day they die and join those that have gone before.
• One of the very worst things you can tell a widow/er or anyone who's suffered a loss (like my kids) is that it's time to move on (or compare my loss to your divorce...that's for another blog)

Instead of focusing on a "grief is over timeline" just be there, be supportive, listen and when asked, offer up your thoughts!  Encourage moving forward!

• Today, a co-worker came up, hugged me and told me I looked amazing and that she had wanted to say something to me for awhile but didn't have the chance until now.
• I almost cried as I hugged her back--I am beginning to feel an amazing confidence that hasn't been there before, and she validated that for me!
•  And, while I'm not moving on, I am moving forward -- this is my year of discovery: the widda fog has lifted. 
• As I move forward I'm figuring out who I am, what do I like/dislike, who I want to hang with, what things I want to do, where I want to go, etc.  I have this amazing opportunity to re-invent myself and I'm gonna!

 My journey continues...