My Plans vs. His Plans

Isn't there a joke about how God just laughs and laughs as we humans, here on earth, make plans then get so upset when our plans are interrupted or don't happen as we had...planned?

I've had two encounters where I've made plans, only to be interrupted by God. I felt the need to share:

Back in March, I went Bluebonnet hunting. Had my new camera and was determined to have myself a pity party while out and about in Jim's mustang--top down, beautiful day, just me, crying and feeling so sorry for myself. I'm entitled...or so I thought. A random stop at a gas station: I NEVER drive west on 287 and I didn't really need gas, I could have gone a few more days. My carefully laid plan for the pity party went away when I "happened" to meet up with a very, very dear friend, Steve Spohn. He was getting gas for the mower and about to leave, he noticed Jim's car pull up..I didn't realize it was him right away, just assumed it was some crazy man in the truck trying to talk to me. We chatted for a bit, and then I followed him home to visit with his wife and family. Oh, it was a wonderful visit!! I love and adore that family! And, the pity party--never happened! I left their house feeling so much better, so much brighter! Hunted down some bluebonnets, got sunburned, had a great afternoon!

This past Tuesday, was a bit of a tough day. I needed Jim, I needed his calmness and wisdom w/an issue I had in my head. This need, only he could fill, made me miss him. So after a very restless and sleepless night, I decided to stay home, try to sleep some and well, yes, have myself another pity party.
I was primed and ready to spend the day in misery. I checked Facebook and read a post from a friend, about someone close to them who was dying. This lovely person was called home, later that evening, but prior to her death, she was sharing with those around her glimpses of heaven! It took my breath away to read what this woman was seeing of heaven as her life her on earth was ending! So amazing, so awesome, so comforting--as she was seeing those who had gone before, waiting, to welcome her Home!
I settled in for a really good round of pity. Lorianne called me, checking on me. She and Amelia had heard the song "God of this City" on the radio, it made them think of Jim, so they called. Lovely, lovely memory they shared with me, it made me smile to think of Jim playing in the praise band. So thoughtful, her calling me.
My Pops called, he was in town, and up the highway for the night. So I picked him up and we went to supper. I took him by the church to see Austin and talk w/him for a bit. Got wonderful hugs from the Bennett's. When I got home I went for a walk/jog. I believe the term is wogging I stopped to talk to my neighbor's that live behind me. They thought Jim had died, but weren't sure, so I confirmed it, and there were words of compassion and sorrow for me. I walked on home.  Austin had gotten home about 15 minutes before me. There was a police car parked in front of the house. As I walked in, I jokingly, jokingly asked him if the cops were here for him...and he told me YES! It was a case of mistaken identity---but I really was joking!
I write in a journal every night, and as I was writing down my thoughts for the day, I realized, God once again, blew up my plans for a pity party! It made me laugh, it made me smile as I realized this is twice that I've planned on feeling sorry for myself and twice that God thwarted my plans. I truly believe that because of Jim's death, I am so much more observant of God's hands working around me, through other people carefully placed in my path at just the right time.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

He certainly does, and in my case, evidently, pity parties are not part of His plan for me. Once again, I am thankful and humbled.

Mother's Day & moving on

Today is Mother's Day. Another day of moving on in this journey of grief, another "first" holiday. There are not too many firsts left as its now been almost 9 months since Jim died.
This year, today, is different for me. Jim usually reminded me in the most romantic way what made me a mom (wink, wink). He also always had flowers for me (Byron Nelson HS floral class rocks) and he learned that jewelry was the perfect gift.
This year, I got flowers from my Baby Girl and our best friends, George & Diane. I got to spend time with my mom and my daughter over the weekend, and tonight it's dinner, out, Austin's treat! I got beautiful cards and Austin--the iTunes card, perfect!

My children are truly wonderful, what a blessing they are to me and to anyone that knows them...it's Mothers Day, I can brag! Jim and I, wow! God allowed us to do such great work, what a collaboration -- those two precious human beings are the very best of both of us!

It's bitter sweet, as before Jim died, this day was pretty much all about me, in a most selfish way.

Today, I remember those gone before me (thanks Mom for releasing balloons as a remembrance of Grandma, Huffer and Mildred, Jim's mom).

I pray for comfort to women (and men) whose Mom's are in heaven--a hole for them always here on earth! I pray for women I know who are struggling with infertility, they yearn to be Moms! I pray for women I know who have lost babies before they were born, women who are suffering or have suffered through the tragic death of a child. I pray for the Moms in Haiti, who so desperately want to care for their children but don't know how, who struggle to put food on the table, a roof over their heads, much less medicine and doctor's visits. These are things I am so blessed to take for granted.

I subscribe to a daily email, Grief Share Daily, an Angel sent me the link soon after Jim died. It's daily words of hope, encouragement all tied to continuing to have faith and to lean into God during this journey. This morning's message truly touched me and I wanted to share. I pray that for anyone hurting, it offers hope and gives you strength to move on. This grief, is a journey, you must continue to move on, move forward. Are there set backs, unexpected turns? Absolutely! But we are to press on, with His help. God demands it from us...so we should probably listen.

What It Means to Move On

Moving on does not mean . . .
• you forget the person.
• you never feel the pain of your loss.
• you believe that life is fair.

Moving on does mean . . .
• you experience a lessening of the pain.
• you can treasure your best memories of the person who has died.
• you can realistically accept the different aspects of your loss.
• you can form new relationships, try new things.

Moving on also means . . .
• you grow in grace and in your walk with God.
• you accept your loss and forgive others.
• you understand that both joy and loss are a part of life.
• you believe that God is good, even when life isn't.

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete" (John 15:11).