And life goes on

I've been thinking over the past few days that's it's been several weeks since I have taken the time to reflect and put into words all that is going on -- around me and in me.

• An amazing visit w/a childhood friend and the fun of putting together a gift for her of scarves and tiaras
• The Italian Car Show has come and gone, a great day spent w/my son 
• The wonderful celebration of a charter member of Prince of Peace, he's in heaven ringing the bell to bring all the saints to worship
• The Alliance Air Show has come and gone--another day, an extremely COLD day, spent w/my son  
• My birthday celebrated with two of my favorite gals then a wonderful birthday gift of dinner and seeing an amazing production of Fiddler on the Roof; actually, it was a wonderful day for me, so many wonderful wishes & gifts 
• An evening spent with my small group--Octoberfest dining at it's best
• I've taken the house off the market--while showings had kind of increased, there was only one offer and unfortunately, it would have cost me to sell the house. Frankly, I was tired of living like I don't live in my own home
• Time spent w/neighbors--call me Ms. Bartender...
• I'm officially a member of Fellowship UMC in Trophy Club
• Boss's day was Tuesday--I missed it for my boss, but my team, oh, my team--I got flowers, purple calla lilies, a bottle of wine & a cute set of flavored cocktail mixers and lunch
• My last day of working in Plano was today.  On October 22 my new work place is downtown Dallas--on the 5th floor of a very tall building in fancy, shiny, brand new digs
• Baking, I've discovered baking!  Dog biscuits, yeast dough pumpkin bread, cookies
• I continue to work out, and have seen my strength increase 20% since July

I'm in the midst of refinancing, so I'm at this house for several (5 to 10) more years.  We moved everything out of the storage place I was renting, and it's in my garage, just waiting to be unpacked and put away...exhausting just to think about, but, I'm very happy to have my "stuff" surrounding me again.  I get to redecorate! I get to put my pictures back up of the family, of Jim. I've discovered that I probably won't just put things back where they were before I put the house up for sale.  Kind of exciting, kind of sad as I realize, again {sigh} that nothing is the same as it was nor will it ever be that way again.  I'm all full of ideas of how to move things around and change it up.

I have a friend, who went to school w/my sister--she's on my mind alot, and I pray for her and her kids as they mourn the death of her husband---he graduated w/me, Class of '83.  While I didn't know him well, we kept up with each other on Facebook. I got the chance to talk w/her recently--I am amazed at her strength and faith, and I know that she has such dark days ahead, but she's going to walk that path, through the darkness and her faith will keep her going and light will soon dawn.

I'm making plans, well, short term plans:

• OU game this Saturday w/die hard OU fans and my son
• The 2nd annual Celebrate Jim day (11/10--his 49th birthday) with my kids..all of them, Elizabeth, Austin & Dwayne.  It will be another day filled with FUN, and I hope laser tag!
• Austin's 21st birthday, party coming up! Unbelievable that my baby will be 21
• I am heading to the island of Provo, part of the Turks and Caicos Islands for 4 days, by myself.  My first trip, totally solo and out of the country to boot!  I'm excited, I'm nervous and very thankful I can have this getaway, as I quietly celebrate what would have been our 29th wedding anniversary
• Then it's Thanksgiving, traditional style this year--at Mom's w/my sisters and my babies

So, you see, life does go on, new routines established.  I still have those moments of immense sadness, loneliness--for Jim.  I woke up at 3am the other morning and did not go back to sleep--I laid there and I should have gotten up, read or something and just when I finally dozed....you got it, the alarm went off!
I get angry he left me (like he had a choice, but when you are mad, you don't think rationally) when I have to make big decisions, or have to do "man stuff"...this refinancing, I needed him to help with that, what if I've made a terrible mistake?  The new member class at the church--I hardly asked any questions and realized for the first time since he died, that Jim truly was the spiritual leader in our household and he would have had many questions to ask! Replacing the HVAC filters, there's stuff I need to put in the attic, but the attic needs plywood laid down so it's safe--duh, girlfriend can't do that....I need some blinds on some windows, and I can measure, but it makes no sense to me, and as far as hanging them, I have a crooked eye, can't hang anything straight;  The surround sound needs to be put back up and the cable hung around the ceiling/top of the walls, I think I may have a roof leak. I throw away leftovers (when I cook), because Jim's not here to eat them.  This particular list could go on and on and some times I just want to throw myself down and have a good fit, but I don't, it's a waste of precious energy--something I've been lacking recently.
 
I'm reading the most amazing devotion book:  Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence
Small, daily reads w/bible verses.  I'd like to say I am diligent about reading everyday, but I'm not.  But, the one on 9/30 really spoke to me:  "I want you to live this day abundantly, seeing all there is to see, doing all there is to do.  Don't be distracted by future concerns.  Leave them to Me!
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:34

Life goes on, and I'm living it--day by day in the best way I know.