Friday, June 28, 2013

The Man and Wine

I figured the title would catch your attention...did it work?

The Man...
I don't like being "The Man" of the house.
  •      Killing bugs/spiders
  •      Taking care of the house:
  •           What is wrong with the HVAC downstairs
  •           I have a garage door that won't automatically close
  •           Why is the ceiling fan making a funny noise
  •           Trimming trees
  •           The fence between my neighbor and I, well it needs to be replaced
  •      The car needs new tires
  •      Parts of the cable for the surround sound (which is far from perfectly done) is falling down
The Wine...Should actually be WHINE.

  •  I hate killing bugs & spiders, they scare me and creep me out
  • Thank goodness, the Air Conditioner seems to be working
  • I'm clueless about the garage door, it's probably simple
  • I don't know why the fan is noisy
  • Trees, yard work--ewwww
  • Nor do I want to have to figure out this fence thing
  • I have NEVER, EVER purchased tires!  That was Jim's job. He would research and get the best tire for the the money we had to spend
  • I really don't like climbing up and down a 6' ladder to fix my bumbled attempt to re-install the surround sound cables
I can feel myself sliding into a funk...I'm  8 weeks from the 2nd anniversary of Jim's death and I feel it in my head, in my heart, in my body -- the anticipation of "that day".  The significance of "that day". The dread of "that day".  TWO years, two years, and did I say, T-W-O years!

I've needed to replace my tires for at least the last 3 months.  I keep putting it off.  As I think about why I keep putting it off (other than the cost) -- it's this overwhelming feeling that I don't want to do for myself what Jim always did for me.  He'd take the car, drop it off, make the purchase...I just picked him up and dropped him off, the waiting rooms at these places stink! 
It's another piece of the never ending stuff that is this life of mine without Jim.  I am constantly reminded he's not here, he's never going to be here.  It hurts.

It makes me tremendously sad, it makes me cry, it makes me grieve all over again.  Jim's not here.  Jim's not here. Jim's not here.  It's overwhelming & lonely to me, right here, right now, in this moment.  I don't like it, I don't like it at all.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Contentment leads to Making it Happen!

I recently went to Italy.  It was a week of amazing adventures: the sites, sounds & tastes of the Tuscany region!  I put myself out there as never before.  I traveled alone, met up with a group tour (of 9) and had such a great time!  I believe Ireland is on my agenda for 2014 with two gals from Atlanta.

 Upon my return home, the unpacking, laundry, recreating amazing Italian food & enjoying my front porch & all things home, I realized how content I was feeling.  It was Tuesday, April 30.  I was standing in my living room and remember saying out loud, "I am so content right now, Thank you, Lord!"  An epiphany moment for me!


That contentment remains not only in my personal life, but my professional life as well.  Three weeks ago, on Monday, May 20, Moore, Oklahoma was devastated by a EF5 tornado.  AT&T went into disaster recovery mode.  The Business Continuity Manager normally handles this. Unfortunately, that position is open.  I volunteered to go, to be the project manager for AT&T's disaster recovery.  25 hours later I was in OKC plugged in and managing all the many parts and pieces of ensuring that everyone impacted by the devastation could remain connected with their friends & family and take care of business.






A few things to consider here:
  1. I've never project managed anything like this before.
  2. For the last 22 months, I've been about 80 to 90% "on my game" at work.  It's been difficult to find my way back to the employee who gave over 100% each and every day prior to Jim's death. I do my job and I'm good at it, but I haven't done anymore than necessary for such a long time.
  3.  I did not consider my own safety when I went to OKC...sorry kids.  I just knew I had the skills necessary to "make it happen". My boss needed help & I volunteered!
I cannot begin to share all the experiences I had while in OKC for 2 1/2 weeks!
I was in a conference room with a small group of people (which dwindled down to just me quickly). I was on the phone and on email constantly--coordinating, making it happen!
There were not enough hours in the day that first week!



My boss sent me an email with these words: "Whatever it takes...Make it Happen!"  I quickly wrote that on large chart paper and put it up on the wall.  I lived by that mantra every moment!
I added another:  Tactical & Assertive (T&A, if you will).  It was extremely important as I worked all the pieces of the recovery I was tactical and assertive when necessary to ensure that what needed to happen, happened.

I helped coordinate the network efforts, we lost one cell site to the tornado--so COWs and COLTs were quickly brought in (Cell on Wheels/Cell on Light Truck); generators; 11 charging stations were dispersed in the Moore area, including the Little Axe area that was hit by tornadoes on 5/19.
We brought in landlines and high speed internet to the shelters, the internet cafes and the Multi-Agency Relief Centers.
The mobile store was brought in, inventory was brought in and set up at the Moore Community Center.  Volunteers from Retail were coordinated to work the mobile store, work in our two stores directly impacted by the tornadoes (Moore & Shawnee).  We had volunteers at our charging stations -- located at Walmart, Best Buy, Red Cross Shelters, MARCs (Multi-Agency Relief Centers).  We worked to unload/load supplies, unpack & organize clothes, toys, groceries, served meals, provide phones, micro-cells & mifi's to local agencies, relief centers, churches to keep the workers connected.  We transported residents from the shelters to the MARCs or to do their laundry.
We went out into the devastated neighborhoods to offer charging of cell phones on the go, to help dig out and clean up.  We "adopted" Mr. Bob Cannaday and worked to help him clean up his 5 acres everyday!
I seem to have a knack for flirting with much older men, as in over 70 and men that were quite tipsy...(that's an adventure all in itself....)
I enjoy working with the "young-uns" (kids the ages of my kids). So much energy and an attitude of whatever you need, I'll do it!
I met some amazing construction guys from McKinney, TX, St. Louis & OKC who were awesome to work with! They were my "go to" guys moving around the charging stations, signs, generators, etc.
The team from St. Louis, even called and checked on me more than once.
I realized that the relationships you build while in crisis mode are intense & emotional.
I met a marine, Bryan West, home from Afghanistan, on leave who was in Moore helping before he headed back overseas, he worked without ceasing for 2 1/2 days.  There was an emotional flag ceremony I got to witness.
I met two guys from Wisconsin--who were on vacation and helping.  They helped Mr. Cannaday along with two blokes from Louisiana & our team. Angels, from Wisconsin!! THAT is an amazing story!

I met a young call center gal, Angela, new to AT&T.  I learned alot about her, her kids, her dogs & boyfriend as we rode out round two of tornadoes in Moore on May 31.  The closest I've ever been to a tornado--I felt the air pressure drop, there was damage to the Community Center roof, our Penske truck ended up on it's side and the Verizon mobile store rolled twice. Our mobile store & "ice cream" truck were fine...we remembered to set the parking brake!

I got to hold a precious 3-month old girl, Lily and chat with her momma while she charged her phone (they had been without electricity for over a week).

I got to "rock a hairnet" and serve food at the shelter.  That's not a job I'm very good at...ask me to run a multi-million dollar company and I'm in...ask me to serve food and I'm totally out of my element, not one of my talents!

So, now I'm back home, back to my normal job.  It's weird.  I'm so grateful and feel so blessed to be home, to be back to normal.
Matter-of-fact, when I got home Thursday evening, I sat on my porch for almost 2 hours (never going into my house) enjoying Chick-Fil-A and just being home, on my porch, listening to the birds, admiring the green grass, the leafy trees, the beautiful homes.  Soaking in "normal". After seeing so much devastation mile after mile...how blessed am I to be able to return to such beauty!

So yes, I'm content & I have discovered what I think I really want to do in my life, ultimately, help people and manage disaster relief...I totally rocked it, a nice surprise along this journey of Discovery....don't you think!