Giving Thanks, Again...

Giving Thanks, Again...

on Wednesday, October 12, 2011 at 11:29pm ·

I threw myself at God's mercy on Monday. Thank you most Gracious God for answering my prayer! God is Good!

I had been told by the medical examiner's (ME) office immediately after Jim's death that it would be 4 to 6 weeks for the toxicology and histology to come back for a cause of death. The autopsy was inconclusive.

On Monday I called the ME office and let them know it had been almost 7 weeks, what is the hold-up? I spoke to a very empathic secretary who explained they actually had 90 days...I was given wrong information.

I put into practice my homework, to focus on what I DO know and the present.  Trying to push away the need to know, the concern over finances that all hinge on that death certificate.  I went down on my knees and fervently prayed that it would not be 90 days...I asked for God to intercede and bring closure to what happened inside of Jim's body that he had to die, it's been difficult...all this waiting.

Tonight, while texting w/my Aunt Edda, she shared some news that was incredible: my 90 year old Uncle was getting married!!!  My immediate thought was, oh, wait until I tell Jim!  Then I remembered, I can no longer do that.

It's become my habit to check the ME's public access website a few times each day, to see if the cause of death gets updated from pending.  So, after my memory lapse, and while Jim was so fresh on my mind, I checked one more time.  Keep in mind, this was during the Ranger Game, tied, top of the 10th inning. I never have looked at that site after 5pm...

Prayers answered--cause of death was no longer PENDING! I was stunned, I was not expecting to see an update!  Jim's cause of death: "small vessel cardiac disease"  I  phoned a friend, and asked what that was, it's so nice to know a Doctor!  He explained it's the tiny arteries around the heart, there was a blockage or lesion--and it caused a massive heart attack.  I took it one step further, googled, and discovered that this is a problem that cannot be found during a routine catheter lab visit, it's overall very difficult to diagnose---the cath lab looks at the heart and the large arteries, and only if symptoms persist, a Doctor "may" think to check the small vessels.  This disease is mainly found in women, and women w/diabetes.  There is no procedure that can fix it, it's all about not smoking, diet, exercise.  The symptoms are angina, tired, mentally tired.  Jim was very tired that night--it was the first day of school, 12 hour day....the tired he felt seemed like "normal" tired.

So, now we know and I feel relief.  Jim's  body did indeed break, and it broke in a way that there was no choice.  God was there and escorted Jim to heaven (He didn't "take him"), and I know God's heart was heavy for the pain He knew Jim's family would have to work through.