I seem to like to c-o-u-n-t...

I seem to like to c-o-u-n-t...

on Tuesday, September 27, 2011 at 3:19pm ·

I try to not count, but I can't help it.  I think that we all organize things by days, amounts, basically numbers so counting is normal (I'm hoping it's normal).
10, 000:  On March 30 of this year, Jim and I celebrated our 10,000th day of marriage...weird, I know, but I was playing w/an iPhone app called "days old".  So I marked it on the calendar and we had a tiny celebration.
5:  Today, it's been 5 weeks since Jim died.  The darkest day in my life.
1:  There was always 1 chair to the left of me at Fellowship and 1 chair to the right of me at St. Peter--saved for when Jim came to sit with me during the sermon. I "mixed it up" this past Sunday and actually sat in the seat I normally saved for Jim...I didn't think it was a big deal, but Austin noticed and said something.
16:  A quilt,stadium size, has 16 blocks, 15x15 each.  On this past Sunday, the kids picked out hawaiian shirts/t-shirts that were Jim's so I could have a quilt made for each of them.  So when they are missing their Daddy/Father (Elizabeth called Jim, Daddy. Austin called Jim, Father) they can wrap the quilt around them and have a little bit of him to hold on to.
232: Friends on Facebook, my friends have doubled over the past few weeks.  WOW! I've re-connected with old friends, friends of Jim's -- who were on his FB but not mine. The words of comfort, the outpouring of prayers & thoughts via FB is truly amazing.
52:  Thank you cards I have written and mailed.  In response to food, flowers, gifts donated in Jim's name, gifts to me.
14: Plants that I have repotted (gifts) and working hard to keep alive--they are so beautiful!
78: Cards I've received expressing sorrow, offering up prayers for myself, the kids and Jim's family
3: Surprises at my front door at random times: the doorbell rings, I open the door, and there's balloons for my birthday, Ding Dongs, then almonds (since I can't eat Ding Dongs).
4: Fence pickets I bought yesterday, as there were a few pickets on our fence in the backyard that must be replaced...I thought I would figure out how to do it "later".  My Daughter, phoned a friend, and while we were out yesterday afternoon, all four pickets were magically part of my fence...
A Bi-zillion:  tears that have been cried, by me...
TO INFINITY & BEYOND: (I know, not a really number, but trust me, it's too high a number for even my OCD brain to count)  The number of prayers and thoughts that have been said constantly, without ceasing from the moment Jim collapsed and they continue today.  Those prayers lift me up, sustain me, keep them coming!  And the HUGS, I've gotten too many to count, and hugs are so wonderful!
I remain humbled by the outpouring of Love and care for myself, my kids and Jim's family.  He was so amazing!   I truly thought I was probably the only one that knew that.  I've realized over the last 5 weeks, everyone that knew Jim, whether for years, or just an interaction or two, thought he was amazing too!
I went back to work today -- I've been working from home over the past few weeks, but I made the commute to my office this morning.  There were some cards waiting for me...again, such thoughtful people in my life.  And one of the cards  said, "Some days...it's tougher to hang in there than others."  The personal note said that we were in their prayers and that my strength is amazing & my positive outlook is something this person admires.
Here's what allows me to focus on the positive:  Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need."
Faith, Family, Friends!  Faith, Family, Friends!  Faith, Family, Friends!  Faith, Family, Friends!  Faith, Family, Friends!