Things I realized today, or "help" along the way
on Tuesday, September 13, 2011 at 8:50pm ·
I
had the opportunity to help someone today, who is a recent widow (she's
got a few month's on me...). I don't think I'm prepared to help--this
journey is so new to me, so raw, but as I offered her words of
encouragement over the phone, and followed up w/an email, I kind of
realized how God is currently working in my life. I seem to have this
need to journal, and to share. So here's what I realized:
I asked if she was seeing someone, professional, to help her through this journey of grief. She is not, I implored her to do this and will check in a few days to see if she's started this. Even gave her the phone number to call. I believe that there is no shame in asking for help, and getting professional counseling of some sort--it can give you perspective--it's a person you can talk to that has no emotional connection to you or your family. They will listen, ask questions and guide you as you basically talk outloud to yourself and give you a better understanding of the grief process... I received a call from the Stephen Minister that has been assigned to ME tonight. Our first meeting is Thursday. I need to talk to someone that is "outside" my incredible circle of family, friends, and this type of Ministry ensures everything is Christ centered. (See--taking my own advice, and listening to one of my great, awesome friends...)
Faith, Family, Friends! Faith, Family, Friends! Faith, Family, Friends! I got this piece of advice from a complete stranger, whose teenage daughter came home from school w/the news of Jim's death, she was compelled (it was a God thing) to share with me a package of poems that helped her & her book, Widowed And Young, that she wrote in 2003 about the death of her husband 16 yrs ago when she was 28, with a toddler and another on the way. She's since shared w/me websites, blogs & such great words of comfort, compassion, faith & pieces of her own journey of grief that I find helpful. We email every few days, and again, another gift from God, this connection w/a stranger to help me on this journey.
Everyone's journey in, thru and out of grief is unique, while there are some simaliarities, the journey is really as unique to each person as fingerprints! I've learned that there are many, many people praying for me and my family and Jim's family. I am sustained by these prayers, by the thoughts, by the quick text messages, the phone calls or the FB posts.
I journal every night. I began on my birthday, 8/31 and went back and wrote for everyday beginning w/my darkest day, 8/23 -- the day Jim died. I don't ever journal, I don't write things down like that, but I had this overwhelming need. I got the perfect gift from a friend last year for my birthday (I never touched it until now), it's a beautiful journal: Words with God, I need to talk to you! Each page is a day, w/the date and either a scripture or a quote--and each quote/scripture is so perfect for me, for that day! I do this before I turn out the light at night. I write words of encouragement I've received from friends/family, I write my feelings, the "normal" things that happened in the day. I find myself writing to God and even writing to Jim. Pouring out the emotion, pain and hurt. I write about the gifts, the gifts I am receiving from God and as a result of Jim's death...can you believe it, there are GIFTS!!! I want to write those gifts down and not forget the good that comes out of tragedy. It will be interesting to complete this 1 year journal, then go back and read where I am now, vs. in a year.
Music....oh, music has always been a part of our lives and contemporary, Christian music is a big part of my life. The words of some songs, that I always sang along to mean more, the words are profound. Jim's celebration was a reflection of not only the music he loved and played to worship our God, but also it reflected the strong message that you must live for today! No regrets! Show your love, say it, live it...because this life on earth is short!
My "anthem" has become a song by Matthew West: "Strong Enough" -- it's based on his favorite bible verse: Philippans 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." It's about surrendering to God and letting Him be strong enough because I just can't be right now. God delivered that message to me a week ago, in such a profound way, I had no choice but to surrender. *And we all know, that Edie can do anything better, easier and with better results....myself....(not this time!) God knew I hadn't given it all to Him...he pretty much whopped me upside the head...another gift!
Yes it's hard. I didn't realize how much of each of my days were spent w/Jim! What a blessing it was! I struggle through worship on Sunday's--we did that together, and when he was playing, he was worshipping and it was amazing to see, then sitting close, close close during the sermon, commenting to each other, flirting (yes during church...)! Blessing the food before a meal, we always did that and had "mini-arguments" about whose turn it was, and silly bets on whether Austin would pull out his "standard" prayer or not. Blessing the food brings me to tears!!!
So, it's OK to have a bad day, it's OK to have a good day and it's OK to be honest when someone asks me how I'm doing. It's OK to say, "I don't know what to say..." (I don't know what to say either about all this) It's OK to cry "outloud" -- in public places, emotions hit at the oddest times, triggered by some of the oddest things...
I also shared w/this other person, grieving over the loss of her husband -- that we both KNOW where our husbands are...they are in heaven, worshiping, in person, w/our God! They are whole, perfect, happy, reunited w/the ones that have gone before. They are reaping the reward of heaven, that is promised to us while we are on this earth! My husband was a godly man on this earth, and he's now in the presence of God! And while I would have chosen to still have him here w/me (I'm human after all)...I can't help but smile, a sad smile, but a smile just the same for this promise, for His promise being fulfilled for Jim.
Whew! I feel better, and if I've helped one person feel better, or understand what a person goes through---then I guess that would be "another gift, from God to me, to YOU!"
Blessings to you! My love to you--as I've chosen to be friends w/each of you, and you each mean something special to me!!
He is the resurrection and the life!
I asked if she was seeing someone, professional, to help her through this journey of grief. She is not, I implored her to do this and will check in a few days to see if she's started this. Even gave her the phone number to call. I believe that there is no shame in asking for help, and getting professional counseling of some sort--it can give you perspective--it's a person you can talk to that has no emotional connection to you or your family. They will listen, ask questions and guide you as you basically talk outloud to yourself and give you a better understanding of the grief process... I received a call from the Stephen Minister that has been assigned to ME tonight. Our first meeting is Thursday. I need to talk to someone that is "outside" my incredible circle of family, friends, and this type of Ministry ensures everything is Christ centered. (See--taking my own advice, and listening to one of my great, awesome friends...)
Faith, Family, Friends! Faith, Family, Friends! Faith, Family, Friends! I got this piece of advice from a complete stranger, whose teenage daughter came home from school w/the news of Jim's death, she was compelled (it was a God thing) to share with me a package of poems that helped her & her book, Widowed And Young, that she wrote in 2003 about the death of her husband 16 yrs ago when she was 28, with a toddler and another on the way. She's since shared w/me websites, blogs & such great words of comfort, compassion, faith & pieces of her own journey of grief that I find helpful. We email every few days, and again, another gift from God, this connection w/a stranger to help me on this journey.
Everyone's journey in, thru and out of grief is unique, while there are some simaliarities, the journey is really as unique to each person as fingerprints! I've learned that there are many, many people praying for me and my family and Jim's family. I am sustained by these prayers, by the thoughts, by the quick text messages, the phone calls or the FB posts.
I journal every night. I began on my birthday, 8/31 and went back and wrote for everyday beginning w/my darkest day, 8/23 -- the day Jim died. I don't ever journal, I don't write things down like that, but I had this overwhelming need. I got the perfect gift from a friend last year for my birthday (I never touched it until now), it's a beautiful journal: Words with God, I need to talk to you! Each page is a day, w/the date and either a scripture or a quote--and each quote/scripture is so perfect for me, for that day! I do this before I turn out the light at night. I write words of encouragement I've received from friends/family, I write my feelings, the "normal" things that happened in the day. I find myself writing to God and even writing to Jim. Pouring out the emotion, pain and hurt. I write about the gifts, the gifts I am receiving from God and as a result of Jim's death...can you believe it, there are GIFTS!!! I want to write those gifts down and not forget the good that comes out of tragedy. It will be interesting to complete this 1 year journal, then go back and read where I am now, vs. in a year.
Music....oh, music has always been a part of our lives and contemporary, Christian music is a big part of my life. The words of some songs, that I always sang along to mean more, the words are profound. Jim's celebration was a reflection of not only the music he loved and played to worship our God, but also it reflected the strong message that you must live for today! No regrets! Show your love, say it, live it...because this life on earth is short!
My "anthem" has become a song by Matthew West: "Strong Enough" -- it's based on his favorite bible verse: Philippans 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." It's about surrendering to God and letting Him be strong enough because I just can't be right now. God delivered that message to me a week ago, in such a profound way, I had no choice but to surrender. *And we all know, that Edie can do anything better, easier and with better results....myself....(not this time!) God knew I hadn't given it all to Him...he pretty much whopped me upside the head...another gift!
Yes it's hard. I didn't realize how much of each of my days were spent w/Jim! What a blessing it was! I struggle through worship on Sunday's--we did that together, and when he was playing, he was worshipping and it was amazing to see, then sitting close, close close during the sermon, commenting to each other, flirting (yes during church...)! Blessing the food before a meal, we always did that and had "mini-arguments" about whose turn it was, and silly bets on whether Austin would pull out his "standard" prayer or not. Blessing the food brings me to tears!!!
So, it's OK to have a bad day, it's OK to have a good day and it's OK to be honest when someone asks me how I'm doing. It's OK to say, "I don't know what to say..." (I don't know what to say either about all this) It's OK to cry "outloud" -- in public places, emotions hit at the oddest times, triggered by some of the oddest things...
I also shared w/this other person, grieving over the loss of her husband -- that we both KNOW where our husbands are...they are in heaven, worshiping, in person, w/our God! They are whole, perfect, happy, reunited w/the ones that have gone before. They are reaping the reward of heaven, that is promised to us while we are on this earth! My husband was a godly man on this earth, and he's now in the presence of God! And while I would have chosen to still have him here w/me (I'm human after all)...I can't help but smile, a sad smile, but a smile just the same for this promise, for His promise being fulfilled for Jim.
Whew! I feel better, and if I've helped one person feel better, or understand what a person goes through---then I guess that would be "another gift, from God to me, to YOU!"
Blessings to you! My love to you--as I've chosen to be friends w/each of you, and you each mean something special to me!!
He is the resurrection and the life!
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