In everything give thanks...

In everything give thanks...

on Tuesday, October 11, 2011 at 9:08pm ·

In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  --1 Thessalonians 5:18
These are words I received today as part of a devotion a friend sent me.  The devotion goes on and points out that that the passage says, "IN everything" not "FOR everything" be thankful.The art of successful living is to seek out thankfulness in all of life's events--to see meaning in every challenge and trust that God will work every adversity to our ultimate good.
This friend also sent me a devotion w/the wise words: But I trust in You, O Lord; I say, "You are my God." My times are in Your hands. --Psalm 31:14-15  This devotion speaks to why some people are healed, some are not, how His time is beyond our understanding.
Another verse that is helpful: Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you -- 1 Peter 5:7
These have been eye opening verses for me over the past 7 weeks. (I'm still counting....)
I'm  seeing a therapist in addition to my Stephen Minister.  She has given me homework, as I stand on the edge of the unknown:

• Predict less (which is code for stop anticipating what will be and how I will feel in the future)
• Be curious and wonder
• Focus more on the present and what I do know

Interesting exercise -- as I'm a planner, I research, think it through, develop a plan then work the plan, and it usually includes anticipation of the future.  I've discovered words like can't, won't, I'm stuck, cause me to feel anxious.  I am learning to pay attention to my body's response to my words.   When I use words like I need or I want or I feel--the anxiety goes away.
I put "predict less" to the test this weekend.  I needed my Momma, I needed to be spoiled and cared for as only a mom can do.  So I went home this past weekend.  Started wondering about going to church on Sunday, and it's not just any church, it's the HOME church.  Where Jim grew up, I was confirmed, we were married there, our kids baptized there, Elizabeth confirmed there and we were, for many years, extremely active w/the youth group.  I began to predict how hard it would be....I decided to STOP that, and if I felt like going on Sunday, I would--anxiety averted!
I went, and while there were a few moments of sadness and a few tears, it was good!  So good!  I got hugs and words of encouragement and comfort from a "family" that's known me for most my life!
I also received a book: "Getting to the Other Side of Grief" from my Stephen Minister.  She didn't expect me to read it right away--but I'm an avid reader--had to get it started. Here's a few things that were a-ha moments for me:

• Grieving is a journey through a frightening land in order for you to discover a new life with some exciting possibilities on the other side of grief.  Hang on to that thought!
• Don't avoid the pain -- attack it.  Don't endure the grief--manage it. (I like that one!)
• Allow for the possibility that you will be happy again.  God is gracious.
• Does faith help in the grieving process?  Yes and No. Faith will not insulate you from the pain of grief.  It will not prevent the feelings of anger, regret or loneliness.  Faith in Christ, however, will give you two essential things: strength to endure and hope.

Such great words from my friend, my therapist, the book from my Stephen Minister.  This is a journey, it is a process, and the time frame is unknown to me.
What I do know:

• I have the most amazing family & friends, providing me w/support, encouragement, laughter, love and their time.
• I need to take the time to focus on this journey,on myself, so I can continue to support my kids as they grieve, and move through this valley grief--no one is ever mean't to stay in the valley--we are to walk through it.
• I need to be the care receiver---that's always been uncomfortable to me.  I'd rather take care of everyone else.
• It's OK to say what I need, and for that need to be mine and mine alone.
• The logistics of what's happened, the "stuff" I'm having to deal with (the house, finances, insurance, etc) can be somewhat overwhelming--I find that I have to constantly remind  myself to focus on the now, and what I can control (which isn't much), the rest just doesn't matter and should not matter until it has to be dealt with -- no projecting!

I had a friend ask me, "So, Edie, what's it really like?"  Thank you, for asking!  I wasn't certain if he wanted an honest answer, but you can ask my kids --- they ask me anything, and I'm going to tell them the truth, and the truth is sometimes too much information...
My answer:  it's sad, it's lonely, especially at night.  I no longer have the one person who knew me like no one else did, could anticipate my needs, my mood, the one I told everything to.  I miss the physical presence -- the hugs, the physical contact that was ours. I have to say goodbye to what I thought my future would be, the dreams "we" had, and move forward w/a new future, and "my" dreams...all part of this journey.
I am confident I can do this, as you all know by now, it's FAITH, FAMILY, FRIENDS that will guide me and help me on this journey.  I am so thankful for each of you! Keep the prayers coming!!!